What Is Attraction?
Throughout your journey to discovering your sexual orientation you will hear the word attraction come up quite a bit; however what is it? While Bryce was discovering his own sexuality he too found all this talk about attraction very confusing and overwhelming. No one seemed to be able to explain what attraction was in plain and simple english, some people couldn’t explain the term attraction at all. This, however seemed like an integral part of sexual orientation. In order to know your sexual orientation you must first know who you are attracted to.. This is why we have written a basic run down of what attraction is and how it may relate to your sexual orientation.
The Five Forms Of Attraction
Attraction is a very complex feeling that can be very difficult to understand at first. Listed below are the 5 most common forms of attraction which you can use as a guide as you explore sexual orientation:
Sexual Attraction
Sexual Attraction is when you feel a longing to be with someone on an intimate and physical level. While the other forms of attraction might require you to get to know the person first. Sexual attraction can occur with anyone, from your partner of 20 years to your favourite television or book character.
2. Physical Attraction
Physical Attraction is the longing to be around others, to be physically cared for and treated with love and affection. It can occur with romantic relationships, but it doesn't have to. Think about all of the people that you touch in non-sexual and non-romantic ways – friends, parents, siblings.
When we are young, we have a level of physical attraction to our parents who hug and cuddle us. As we grow older, we may develop these types of relationships with our friends. These are attractions and desires for physical contact but these types of contact are non-sexual.
You may feel a desire for your friend to hug you when you've had a bad day, this is an example of physical attraction.
Physical attraction may present slightly differently for autistics as we often also experience sensory sensitivities, however this doesn’t mean we can’t feel physical attraction.
3. Romantic Attraction
Romantic Attraction is when you find yourself wanting to engage in romantic behaviours with another person. You may begin to picture a future together that may include being in a long term relationship, getting married and maybe having kids. You may have heard people refer to this in movies and on television when a character talks about wanting to grow old with someone or imagining themselves old in a rocking chair next to their partner. Romantic attraction takes time to develop and may even come as a surprise to you, so don’t expect to feel it on a first date.
4. Emotional Attraction
Emotional Attraction is when you feel you can and want to communicate with another person on a deep level, such as sharing your innermost thoughts and confiding in the person. It also means you are attracted to the person's personality and charisma and are interested in being a part of that person's life, and their main source of emotional support. You may feel a similar feeling towards a really good friend, however usually the connection you feel towards a romantic partner is much stronger.
5. Aesthetic Attraction
Aesthetic Attraction is when you find yourself admiring someone for their physical appearance but feel no desire to engage with the person sexually or romantically. Aesthetic attraction is often described as being similar to how someone feels when looking at a piece of art. You may love looking at it and sometimes struggle to stop looking, however you wouldn’t feel like having a close romantic or physical relationship with it. This form of attraction is commonly linked to being Asexual, however anyone can experience Aesthetic attraction.
What Now?
Now that you have a basic idea of the different forms of attraction that you can experience toward others feel free to use this as a guide when thinking about your own sexuality.
Ask yourself:
What forms of attraction have I experienced in the past?
Who was this toward? (male, female, non-binary, friends ect..)
Once you feel you have a good understanding of your attraction towards others feel free to explore our LGBTQIA+ page to see if any of these identities align with how you may feel. If you can’t find a heading that feels right for you don’t worry there are plenty of other sexual orientations out there. Have a look through our other LGBTQIA+ resources and talk to others in the LGBTQIA+ community for assistance. Keep in mind this is your journey not anybody else’s. If it takes you a little more time to discover this part of yourself that’s ok. Don’t let anybody rush you into making a decision.
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